Dear WELLthy Mom Grieving The Loss of A Child

Dear WELLthy Mom grieving the loss of a child, last Sunday I felt a pain that for a moment felt like losing my child and I thought of you. Our family was enjoying a beautiful weekend experience when Hubby got the news that his young niece passed away that morning. He had talked to her two days prior and she was visiting her grand-mother, Hubby’s mom just the night before. Within twelve hours, she was gone. We sat in disbelief in the car ride home hoping that we will get a phone call to burst that nightmare bubble we were in.

Our beautiful niece was a vibrant young woman never afraid to let her light shine. She recently celebrated her 37th birthday and not too long ago she posted on Facebook about the type of wedding she wanted in the future and I agreed wholeheartedly commenting back on Facebook to her because I believed nothing but the very best for her. Then in a moment all of those dreams were gone because she was gone!

Dear WELLthy Mom grieving the loss of a child, no matter how deep my grief is as an aunt, I know it does not equal the pain you felt when you lost your child. The first few days after hearing the painful news, I expected the world and its demand to stop so we could catch our breath and grieve in peace. Unfortunately I realized that the world does not just stop. I cried between momming duties, catching up with blog deadlines, cooking dinner and scrolling our niece’s Facebook page.

I couldn’t stop thinking about our sister in Barbados who lost her Babygirl, our niece and her first born. I cry for her no longer being able to talk or see her child. Talking to her yesterday, she told us that a friend picked her up to go pay bills and my thoughts were that life responsibilities do not just stop because she lost her baby. The thought of that makes my heart hurt and reach out through this post to send you and our sister the most loving hug.

Dear WELLthy Mom grieving the loss of a child, you will have to forgive us in advance how we approach this tragic event in your life as we will say things that can’t quite register with the love and compassion we intended them for. In our quick microwave mindset, we don’t mean it but our words sound like we are trying to rush you into getting back to our normal so that we don’t have to deal with your pain ourselves.

We might blurt out things like, “everything happens for a reason,” when really what valid reason can we give you to explain the loss of your child or any loved one for that matter. We might tell you to trust God, not taking into account that you might not be ready to accept that your child no longer lives in our realm. You might hear the cliche that time heals all wounds even though you want to scream at us that you’d rather go back in time to bring back your child.

Dear WELLthy Mom grieving the loss of a child, that Sunday after I heard the news and kissed my girls good night, I thought of the times when someone might have said to you that your child is in a better place when I got to kiss my three girls that very night. I can never claim what God’s will or plan was for your child because I am not God so forgive us for daring to bring that up while we are keeping a watchful eye on our children.

Dear WELLthy Mom grieving the loss of a child, I am slowly coming to terms with the reality that our Mar Mar is no longer with us but what about you? Are we rushing you into coming to terms with your unimaginable reality because if we are, please forgive us as we have no idea the process that is the road to healing. As I love my children unconditionally, I understand that your love for your child will never die and respect when you talk about your child because your grief will last for as long as you live and that’s the power of a parent’s love.

Dear WELLthy Mom Grieving The Loss of a Child, I realized for me that coming to terms with that sad reality about our niece doesn’t take away the sadness because in truth it doesn’t. One grieving widow once told me that instead of asking how she was every time we saw her to simply say how good we are to see her. I absolutely agree and appreciate her honesty in freeing us to love her in her grieving process. I believe that’s what most people in your life want, a clear understanding of how to love you in this trying season because honestly we don’t know how to it with confidence.

Our family has to learn to live with losing such a beautiful soul and we are taking it one day at a time. We may never know how long grieving our niece’s death will take but we are learning to navigate all the sympathy aimed at our family. We live in a fallen world with tragedies and as a mother, I love my children so much that when they hurt, I hurt and all I want to do is to hold them and comfort them. If I, a mere woman, would respond that way toward my children…how much more our Heavenly Father?

Dear WELLthy Mom grieving the loss of a child, do you know that God hurts when He sees us cry or in pain? God loves us too much to watch us with indifference. His loving arms are always extended to us if only we reach to Him to experience His love and peace that calm any storm in our lives. God also sends family and friends our way to bring us the comfort and compassion we need if we let them. It’s been comforting to have friends and family reach out to us and we appreciate it more than they know.

God’s love and peace in the midst of a storm is my way to cope with this excruciating pain that grabs my heart and I feel like screaming and it’s alright because I need to let it out. Hubby and I have held each other crying and praying for our family, especially for our sister who has just lost her babygirl. My way may not be your way to cope with the pain of losing your child and I respect that because your pain is real and I will not downplay it with advice or religion.

Dear WELLthy Mom grieving the loss of a child, I can’t imagine what you are going through day to day but I want you to know that I don’t need to fully know, I pray that God uses me and others to be a healing balm through this unimaginable journey. It might look like death has won but you are the one who decides when you are ready if that’s the case and it’s for us not to judge because we will never fully grasp the depth of your grief.

When the unthinkable happened last Sunday for our family, I was reminded of a painting I came across by Jack E. Dawson beautifully entitled “Peace in the Midst of the Storm”. The painting epitomizes the current state I am in trusting and holding on to God to be the footprints in the sand carrying my pain, my sorrow, my loss. My prayer for you is for God’s love to surround and sustain you every second of the endless days, sleepless or teary moments ahead and remain your peace through it all!